When did this…
…become hotter than—
…So. Uh. Here’s the 411 on Captain Cold!
This here is Captain Cold, also known as “Len” or “Leonard Snart”, but don’t make fun of his name. He used to dress like an eskimo. Make fun of THAT.
Or even better, make fun of when he doesn’t.
For a while now, DC’s been putting incredible amounts of effort into making sure all their favorite heroes have bad guys that can be taken seriously, but between bouts of Mark Waid and Geoff Johns, the Flash fandom has been sitting back and chillaxing with gems like this.
………………ANYWAY. Cold has always been well known for at least 3 things (or more; I wouldn’t know I’m not an expert): 1) his shitaceous luck with the opposite sex, 2) working with the Rogues, and 3) having a face that resembled the underside of someone’s ballsack.
Okay, so his luck with the ladies hasn’t changed much.
But the Rogues? They all kinda hate him now because he fucked up and gave them superpowers, that dumbfuck.
Now, they are blessed with suck. I mean, Cold here freezes everything he touches.
It’s the Midas touch, but with ice, which is especially shitty because at a restaurant you can get ice for fucking free AND with water to boot.
(It’s a good freaking deal.)
Speaking of which, he can’t even go drinking anymore. He so much as looks at a glass of water or bottle of beer, it freezes. Girly fruit-drinks on the other hand…
Skinny dipping has proven equally problematic.
A weakness to water was actually never a problem before now, because, preboot, Cold had a cold gun, not ice powers, and no one’s ever WANTED to see Cold all wet and disheveled.
But seriously, check this asshole out now. I mean what the ever loving fuck?
To be fair, I guess no one really knows what Cold looks like. Sometimes he’s wrinkled, sometimes he isn’t (as wrinkled). Sometimes he has hair, sometimes he doesn’t.
Anyhow, Cold has always been recognizable as “that homeless-looking dude in the parka”. If there was one thing we never associated Cold with, it would be a canonically bitchin’ hot bod. He’s not supposed to have that outside of fanon.
…I don’t know what I was complaining about.
In other news, I’m also beginning to learn why none of my friends take me seriously when I say the Flash and his villains are the fucking greatest.