Damian and the Lost Boys
Damian never heard the story of Peter Pan until he started living in Wayne Manor.
Everyone instantly regretted reading him the story.
Damian had this weird instantaneous connection with Peter Pan. He would sit around for hours going on like “Peter is a man to be followed. He’s, what, 11 years old, and he has successfully established his own empire of immortal children. He is an adept swordsman, a charismatic leader, a persuasive orator, a child god whom death cannot touch and lord over all the island. He even has a tiny faerie slave. How do you even get a tiny faerie slave? Do you even know how hard catching a faerie is?” And Bruce just cries himself to sleep at night because I HAVE FAILED MY SON.
Due to his idolization of Peter Pan, Damian will frequently play Neverland with whoever he can lasso into the game, but when Damian plays Neverland it’s more like a bizarre hybrid of make-believe and Stratego. He will ride Titus at full gallop through the kitchen shouting “ONWARD MY IMMORTAL CHILD ARMY. ON TO GLORY.”
Tim never agrees to play, but, nevertheless, he is always Captain Hook. Cassandra is always Tigerlily but for the most part she just sits around and reads or something while the others romp around. Stephanie is usually a very reluctant Wendy, and Jason and Dick are volunteer Lost Boys because holy shit Damian is a riot and they have an excuse to jump Tim.
Damian will lay in wait for Tim to come walking through to get a snack or do laundry or something and he will attack Tim like “These lands are mine, Hook. Set foot on my shores again and I will send the scorched remains of your grand armada straight to the ocean depths,” and Tim’s like “Not playing,” and Damian’s like “As you wish, foul beast. We will settle this as men. We will duel. To the death. Prepare to meet the Maker of your corrupt soul,” and Tim’s like “Still not playing,” and he’ll just keep walking. But then Jason and Dick will come flying out from behind potted plants or some shit and throw Tim to the floor and just lay on top of him and give him nuggies and Damian will be like “THIS WAS NOT THE PLAN. HOW DARE YOU DISOBEY THE ORDERS OF YOUR KING. YOU GUYS SUCK.” Then Stephanie will come out from where she was waiting like “Wait weren’t we supposed to ambush him in the stairwell,” and Damian will be like “You are a poor soldier, Private Wendy, and also dumb and also a girl,” and Steph’s just like “Fuck this shit,” and leaves and then Damian will start screaming “TURN-COAT. MUTINEER.” And he’ll fall at Cass’s feet very dramatically like “Fair Tigerlily, I come before you a shamed man. I am unfit to lead an army of immortals. I can not show my face to the kingdom. I must die,” and Cass will just be like “Lol it’s all good, Pete, you’ll get Hook tomorrow.” And Damian is just about to go into a whole other soliloquy praising Tigerlily’s beauty and virtue and outlining his renewed resolve to rid his kingdom of Hook’s terrorism when Alfred comes in with this look like what in God’s name are you doing you are adults and everyone just sort of awkwardly gets up and shuffles away except for Damian because the battle may be over but the war has not ended. More often than not he will spend the rest of the day planning tomorrow’s assault on the nefarious Captain Hook.
