[House talks to Concerned Mom who thinks that her daughter has epilepsy]
Dr. House: In actuality all your little girl is doing is… saying yoo hoo to the hoo hoo.
Concerned Mom: She’s what?
Dr. House: Marching the penguin… ya ya-ing the sisterhood… finding Nemo?
Little Girl Patient: [giggles] That was funny.
Dr. House: It’s called gratification disorder, sort of a misnomer. If one was unable to gratify oneself, that would be a disorder.
Concerned Mom:[covering little girl’s ears] Are you saying she’s masturbating?
Dr. House: [making fun of the mother by talking out of the corner of his mouth so the little girl supposedly won’t see that he’s talking] I was trying to be discreet. There’s a child in the room.
Concerned Mom: Oh, this is horrifying.
Dr. House: Epilepsy is horrifying. Teach your girl about privacy and she’ll be fine.
This is what every mother needs to know about their child… brought to you by Dr. House. Masturbation in children is normal - it starts in infancy and continues throughout the lifespan. There is no need to tell your child to stop because it is perfectly natural. Just make sure that they know it is something that should be done in a private place and time, rather than a public one.